Kelly Green Floored a Giant. Purple Came Home. Teal Got Off Zero.
Mattie Smith trying to stop young gun Rowan Thompson… getting a little “handsy” here.
Four weeks in. Thirty-two games played. 141 goals on the season. One team still perfect — and for the first time this spring, the table has a shape to it. A top six separated by a single goal difference. A middle pack bruised but breathing. A bottom rung that finally, finally, put a crack in the floor.
Week 4 delivered three results that will echo for months. Navy — the nine-goal machine, the 3-0 juggernaut — were shut out by a Kelly Green side that played a brand of football the league has been quietly worried about for three weeks. Purple answered the Pink loss with a 5-0 evisceration of Gold that reminded everyone exactly what the Clean Sheets Club looks like when it’s angry. And Teal — the drought team, the fortress with no offence, the side sitting on zero points for three consecutive weeks — finally got off the mat by holding Pink to a draw and winning the shootout.
The league separated again. And it got chippy. Let’s get into it.
TIDE Spring League
Power Rankings
Four weeks. Thirty-two results. A top six that’s playing a different competition than the rest of the league. Goal difference, momentum, eye test — all weighted appropriately. Movements from last week noted where they matter.
| # | Team | Record | GD | Tag |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 01 | FOREST GREEN | 4-0 | +11 | Still Perfect |
| 02 | PURPLE | 3W-1L | +10 | The Response |
| 03 | WHITE | 3W-1L | +9 | Silent No More |
| 04 | NAVY | 3W-1L | +10 | Humbled |
| 05 | ROYAL BLUE | 3W-1L | +6 | Professional Response |
| 06 | ORANGE | 3W-1L | +4 | The Surge Continues |
| 07 | KELLY GREEN | 2W-2L | -4 | Feared (And Watched) |
| 08 | BLACK | 1W-1PKW-1PKL-1L | +2 | Shootout Kings, Penalty Kings |
| 09 | LIME | 1W-1PKW-1PKL-1L | +1 | Worth Their Weight |
| 10 | SILVER | 2W-2L | -2 | The Hangover |
| 11 | PINK | 1W-1PKL-2L | -5 | Back To Earth |
| 12 | GOLD | 1W-3L | -7 | Exposed |
| 13 | GREY | 1W-3L | -10 | Leaking |
| 14 | RED | 0W-1PKW-3L | -6 | Mission Accomplished(TM) |
| 15 | TEAL | 0W-1PKW-3L | -9 | Off The Schneid |
| 16 | YELLOW | 0W-1PKL-3L | -10 | Still Searching |
01 | Forest Green — Still Perfect
Four games. Four wins. Three goals conceded. Red drew first blood in the opener — Red always seems to draw first blood — and then Forest Green did what Forest Green does. Scored three, tightened the screws, walked off with the points. Curtis Flynn now sits on two clean sheets across four appearances, the best keeper line in the league. Kevin Smith (7 pts, 5G 2A) is quietly the most dangerous attacker nobody is talking about. Justin Parish has five assists and is running the best midfield in the league. The only team still without a single blemish on the record. Still #1. Still not close.
02 | Purple — The Response
This is what an angry championship team looks like. Seven days after losing their unbeaten streak to Pink, Purple hung five unanswered goals on Gold and didn’t allow the other side a single shot on target. Jeevan Dhami (8 pts, 5G 3A) has moved into second in the scoring race. The Lohsen-Irvine keeper rotation is still a problem — the three Purple keepers (Jonte Lohsen, Jai Irvine, John Lohsen) occupy three of the top three keeper slots in the league. More on Jonte’s moment of brilliance below. The crown is back on the shelf. Do not knock.
03 | White — Silent No More
From #3 to #3. Consistency is a superpower. White put five on Silver and somehow nobody is shouting about it. Alexander Smith (7 pts, 4G 3A) is now tied for third in the scoring race. Tim DenHartigh sits on a clean sheet and a goals-against column that hasn’t moved in two weeks. Connor Crichton and the White spine have a GD of +9 and they’ve barely raised their voice. A genuine title dark horse. Don’t call it silent. Call it a statement.
04 | Navy — Humbled
From #2 to #4. Not because Navy played badly — they played angry, and they still lost 1-0. Kelly Green did what nobody has managed in four weeks: shut down Herman Parmar. Zero goals from the league leader. Seventeen goals for on the season and Kelly Green held them to their first blank. The Kai Joseph goals-against (7 GA in 4 appearances) is still the biggest asterisk on this title run. Iyanna Smith went down in a physical collision that has the league talking. Navy are still elite. But a team that was being built as the Forest Green challenger just got reminded that the Spring League does not care about your reputation. The machine ran into a wall.
05 | Royal Blue — Professional Response
Paps called for a “professional response game” in his own Week 4 write-up. Paps got exactly that. Royal Blue put three on Grey and the aura cracks from the Silver loss quietly healed over. Liam VanNiekirk (6 pts, 4G 2A) is into the top ten scorers. Owen Papineau earned a clean sheet on his own ledger. Cliff MacFarlane’s side is back in the top five and doesn’t look like leaving. The bookie took his L and paid himself back.
06 | Orange — The Surge Continues
Three wins in a row. A 2-1 over Yellow wasn’t the prettiest result on the calendar, but Orange keeps winning and keeps climbing. Tianna Chau and Taya Brubacher have built a side that is difficult to play against and now, genuinely, difficult to score against. +4 GD is the lowest in the top six — Orange’s climb is built on grit, not margin. The Surge is real and it’s unglamorous.
07 | Kelly Green — Feared (And Watched)
The biggest jump in the rankings this week and the most complicated blurb to write. Kelly Green beat Navy 1-0. That is the result. It is a genuinely impressive result — nobody has shut out Herman Parmar for sixty minutes this spring. The hulking trifecta of Mike Hahn, Xit’luk, and Ryan Flynn played the kind of gritty, aggressive, won’t-give-you-an-inch football that wins football matches. It also produced a physical collision that took Iyanna Smith off the pitch and has the league — Navy in particular — asking some uncomfortable questions. A legal challenge is not always a clean challenge. A 50/50 on a loose ball isn’t always a 50/50 in the Spring League. There’s a sportsmanship line that goes beyond the letter of the law, and Kelly Green — who now have two players on the Sin Bin Watch (Ryan Flynn and Paulo Pheasey) — are being watched. The win is real. The way it looked? Jury’s out. Feared, yes. Respected? That part still has to be earned.
08 | Black — Shootout Kings, Penalty Kings
Two shootouts in two weeks. This time, they won. Black 4, Lime 4 at the whistle, and the squad that lost the Red shootout last week flipped the script against Lime. Tamasia “T-Lo” Lomas was everywhere — a masterclass in midfield leadership, and the kind of performance that wins games through force of will alone. Black were up with five minutes to go; Lime clawed one back; T-Lo took the game over and dragged her side to the shootout. Josh Gilbert (6 pts, 5G 1A) keeps scoring. But the other story is the ledger in the other direction — Mansour Elmahdi earned a blue card after a couple of follow-throughs on shot attempts found opposing shins, and Black now have three players on the Sin Bin Watch. Most-penalized team in the league. The talent is still terrifying. The discipline needs work. Loved, hated, feared, and in the book. Peak Black.
09 | Lime — Worth Their Weight
A 4-4 draw with Black that Lime had every right to win. Amelia Calverly played through illness and still had the composure to rip a shootout finish over long-time nemesis Isaiah Clarke — the kind of moment that podcasts (hello, Cleats and Conversations) are made of. Matt Archambault and Al Casta’s side refuse to roll over. Six points through four games and a positive GD is a legitimate body of work. The shootout loss stings, but nothing about Lime’s performances suggests they should be overlooked. Still nobody’s favourite matchup.
10 | Silver — The Hangover
Seven days ago: Giant Killers. Today: shipped five to White. The Royal Blue upset was real and the Silver narrative genuinely flipped — and then White walked in and flipped it back the other way. Keeth Winia conceded ten on the season now. The GD sits at -2. Poppy White’s call to pick Silver over White might look a little different this morning. The magic ran out. The work begins.
11 | Pink — Back To Earth
One week at the top of the conversation. Then Teal. Pink 1, Teal 1, shootout lost. The team that beat Purple got held to a draw by the team that couldn’t score for three weeks. That’s the Spring League. The vibes are still there. The heart is still there. The result just wasn’t. Watty Jr. didn’t find the net this week. George White’s squad has work to do — four points through four games is not the trajectory they imagined after the Purple upset. The blueprint can’t be “be Pink.” Not every week.
12 | Gold — Exposed
Purple decided to make a point, and Gold were the whiteboard. 0-5 is not a scoreline you shake off in a week. Michael Daniels (6 pts, 4G 2A) is still the lone wolf at the top of the lineup, but one player can only do so much when the other side is sending five unanswered your way. The counter-punchers couldn’t get off the ropes.
13 | Grey — Leaking
Seventeen goals conceded in four games. That’s not a slump; that’s a structural problem. Royal Blue put three more on Grey and the GD now reads -10. Miles Boulton is still dangerous when he gets the ball, but Grey cannot keep pace if the defence keeps springing leaks. The Gospel of Grey has a typo.
14 | Red — Mission Accomplished(TM)
Red lost 3-1 to Forest Green and — by all credible reports — Sal Seif is fine. Absolutely fine. Beat Black last week, which was the entire season plan, and everything from here is gravy. Evan Mayer still cannot get a result to his name despite playing some of the best football in the league. But as long as Red has that one result over Black on the ledger, the mood in the dressing room is reportedly “unbothered.” The bar was set. The bar was cleared. See you at summer league.
15 | Teal — Off The Schneid
The drought team. The fortress with no offence. The side that had a goal difference of -9 through three weeks. Teal held Pink to a 1-1 draw and won the shootout. Their first points of the season. Earned, not gifted. Sarah and Nic Jones’ defence did the defensive part; the offence found just enough to force a shootout; and the nerves held. It’s one point on the board. It might as well be ten. The zero is finally off.
16 | Yellow — Still Searching
Yellow scored their first league goal of the season against Orange. One goal, one point to the bookie’s kitty (for teams keeping count), and still no wins. Megan Branch’s squad is running out of runway — but a first goal is a crack in the floor, and the crack has to come before the ceiling. Goal one of the season. Point still missing.
Kelly Green Floored
A Giant
The 6:35 PM match was supposed to be a formality. Navy had scored seventeen goals in three games. Herman Parmar was averaging three per appearance. Kelly Green had two goals in three weeks and a GD that started with a minus sign. The bookie had Navy at -3.5 and the over at 6.5 and the line looked, honestly, generous.
Kelly Green didn’t read the notes.
The nine-goal man scored zero. The fortress held.
The game plan was built on physical duels, a compact shape, and a willingness to contest every ball like it mattered — because in Kelly Green’s world, every ball does. Mike Hahn, Xit’luk, and Ryan Flynn anchored the spine. Navy’s passing triangles — the ones that carved up Teal for six — couldn’t find oxygen. Herman Parmar was doubled, bumped, and occasionally outran. Tristan Price couldn’t string the rhythm together. The one Kelly Green chance that fell right landed, and the keeper did what keepers on a good day do.
It was — by the strictest reading of the rules — a clean result. Fair tackles. No reds. Navy didn’t complain about the scoreline; they complained about how the scoreline got built. Which brings us to the footnote on the night.
Iyanna Smith left the game early after a physical collision that, again, was legal in the letter-of-the-law sense. The Navy bench didn’t love it. The rest of the sideline noticed. And the post-game chatter leaned less on “great win” and more on a question the league has been circling around for a fortnight: when does “hard but fair” become “watched”?
The result stands. The three points are Kelly Green’s. They deserved the win on the night. And the conversation that followed the final whistle had less to do with tactics and more to do with temperature.
Purple Came
Home
If you wanted to know what Purple looked like with something to prove, Gold got the answer. 5-0. Clean sheet. A full-throttle, start-to-finish reminder of why this side was 2-0 and untouched before Pink happened.
The signature moment came from the keeper. Jonte Lohsen — who already leads the league in clean sheet ratio — stepped out of his box, shaped for a shot that sold the defender’s hips completely the wrong way, dangled past him on the dribble, slipped the ball past the opposing keeper (who was, apparently, still watching the shot fake), and walked the ball into the net. A keeper dribbling through defenders is the kind of thing you tell your kids about. Jonte just did it on a Monday.
THE CLEAN SHEETS CLUB HAS ITS BITE BACK.
Jeevan Dhami added to his tally. The midfield didn’t give Gold a yard. The defence didn’t give Michael Daniels a look. A 5-0 is not a scoreline; it’s a statement. And Purple — after one week where the crown slipped — put it right back on the shelf.
A reminder: the Lohsen-Irvine keeper rotation now occupies the top three keeper slots in the league. Three Purple keepers. Three of the top three. That’s not rotation — that’s a dynasty behind the goalposts.
T-Lo Dragged Black
To The Line
Two shootouts in two weeks for Black. Last week: lost. This week: won. If there’s a team that understands exactly what the inside of a shootout looks like right now, it’s this one.
The game itself was chaos — a 4-4 that Black was winning with five minutes on the clock. Lime — playing through Amelia Calverly’s illness and a long-time rivalry with Isaiah Clarke — clawed level in the dying minutes. And then Tamasia “T-Lo” Lomas took over. Everywhere. Winning second balls, finding passing lanes, steadying a young side that had lost its grip. The hold-up play. The leadership. The refusal to let the game slip. The kind of midfield performance that gets talked about long after the scoreline is forgotten.
Black won the shootout and grabbed two points. Lime took one. Both sides walked off feeling equal parts proud and robbed.
The footnote that won’t stay footnoted: Mansour Elmahdi earned a blue card for a sequence of follow-throughs on shot attempts that found opposing shins harder than the ball did. Black now have three players on the Sin Bin Watch (Mansour, Isaiah Clarke, Justin Paulson), and the whispered title of Most Penalized Team in the League has stopped whispering. Talent, swagger, demerits. Black is running a full suite.
Teal Finally
Got Off Zero
Three weeks ago, Teal’s defensive fortress was a meme. Two games, zero points, zero goals for, nine goals against. Last week they put three on Navy and made people blink. This week they walked out of an April Monday with their first point of the season and the quiet dignity of a team that earned it.
Pink 1, Teal 1. Regulation time settled nothing. The shootout did. Teal’s keeper stood tall. The spot-kicks went their way. The points went on the board.
Sarah and Nic Jones’ defensive project has been the grind of the early season — a side that has taken its lumps without complaint, and is now starting to get paid. A 1-1 with the team that beat Purple is not a moral victory. It’s a real one. And the shootout win makes it official. Teal, off zero. Yellow, take notes.
Cooked / Cooking
COOKED
- The idea that Navy was untouchable
- Gold’s “counter-punchers” tag (0-5 is not a counter)
- The Silver-as-giant-killer bounce (lasted one week)
- Pink’s momentum from the Purple upset
- Any remaining doubt that Purple are a title team
COOKING
- Forest Green’s four-competition perfect run
- Kelly Green’s reputation (for better and worse)
- White’s silent climb to a +9 GD
- Jonte Lohsen running the league from the keeper’s box
- Teal’s pulse — finally detectable
Sin Bin
Watch
The book got longer. Two new entries, one existing player picked up a blue card.
- Mansour Elmahdi (Black) — 2 DM | 1 Blue Card (new)
- Ryan Flynn (Kelly Green) — 2 DM | 1 B
- Mike Carroll (Silver) — 2 DM | 1 B
- Justin Marinier (Royal Blue) — 2 DM | 1 B
- Paulo Pheasey (Kelly Green) — 2 DM | 1 B
- Isaiah Clarke (Black) — 2 DM | 1 B
- Justin Paulson (Black) — 2 DM | 1 B
Two teams dominate the list: Black (3 players) and Kelly Green (2 players). That’s not coincidence — those are the two sides currently earning the “physical” label for different reasons. Black wear it like a jacket. Kelly Green are growing into theirs. Both squads will get refs looking a little longer on 50/50s next week.
Play hard. Play clean. Keep it on the ball.
Stat
Watch
Six Teams. Nine Points.
Forest Green sit at 12. The next six sides — Purple, White, Navy, Royal Blue, Orange, and everyone on six — are separated by a single number: 9 points each for five of them, with the chasing pack on 6 all bunched. The top six is tighter than it has been all season. One bad Monday costs a seed.
Parmar Blanked.
Four games. Nine goals. Then a zero. Herman Parmar failed to score for the first time all season — and Navy lost. The correlation is unsubtle. Kelly Green built a defensive plan around one man, and the plan held. Expect more of that.
The Smith Census (Revised).
Last week we counted four. Then an email landed from Gold — Mattie Smith, flag firmly planted — pointing out that the tally was, in fact, grievously short. A full audit of the league roster returned the real number: nine Smiths, seven teams. Kevin Smith (Forest Green, 7 pts) and Alexander Smith (White, 7 pts) lead the points race and are tied for third in the league. Cade Smith (Royal Blue, 6 pts) is right there. Graydon Smith (Pink) has four points and a pulse. Rowan Smith (Navy), Iyanna Smith (Navy), Joel Smith (Teal), Mattie Smith (Gold), and Sam Smith (Gold) fill out the roster. Two teams — Gold and Navy — are doubling down. The Matrix glitch isn’t glitching anymore. It’s spawning. Apologies to the Gold bench. The record is now corrected.
Black’s Paradox, Now With Extra Paradox.
Thirteen goals for (third-most in the league). Eleven goals against (third-most conceded). Six points. Two shootouts in two weeks. You could write a thesis on this team; you could also just watch them play and understand everything.
Paps
Predictions
Paps went 5-for-8 on Week 4. The house is up. The Kelly Green / Navy line was — in Paps’ own words, leaked through a henchman — “the worst miss of the young season.” He took Navy at -3.5. The over at 6.5. Navy scored zero. The casino-on-the-north-end-of-town fund took a hit.
Paps rebounds. The ledger is open. All picks for entertainment purposes only. The house assumes no liability. The house did, however, refill the coffers on the Forest Green cover and the Orange/Yellow total. Small wins. Onward.
White are quietly the best defensive side outside of Forest Green. Teal just got their first point and the vibes are up, but Alexander Smith and the front line are going to find seams. The drought isn’t over on the attacking end — three against Navy was a fluke. Paps takes the cover and the under.
Silver are coming off a 5-shipped loss to White. Purple just hung 5 on Gold. The gap on paper is massive — but Silver are also the side that took Royal Blue down two weeks ago, so you can’t entirely trust the math. Jeevan Dhami vs Keeth Winia is the matchup that decides whether this is a blowout or a scrap. Paps says: scrap that Purple wins clearly. Circle this one.
Navy are playing angry after the Kelly Green loss, and Herman Parmar is going to be hunting. Lime are a legitimate matchup — they’ve gone the distance with Black and held their own with the top sides — but this is a bounce-back game for a wounded tiger. Expect fireworks at both ends. Paps takes Navy and the over, comfortably.
Paps is picking his own team again and, per policy, does not care how that looks. Royal Blue just put three on Grey and the back line is back to whispering. Kelly Green — rightfully or not — are going to have every tackle watched three times this week, which changes how they play. Without the physical edge as a reliable tool, the Kelly Green attack (3 goals in 4 games) has some work to do. The house takes the professionals.
Two completely different teams, on completely different trajectories, on a collision course. Orange are on a three-game heater. Black have been in a shootout two weeks running. Paps says this one goes to the line for a THIRD straight shootout for Black — and this time the Surge wins it. The most watchable 7:35 PM game of the season so far.
Gold need a response from the 0-5. Michael Daniels needs a hug and a tap-in. Yellow just scored their first goal of the season. Paps says Gold win a scrappy one and the Daniels line finds the scoresheet. The under looks right here — both defences are fragile but both attacks are streaky.
Two sides nursing one-win seasons with very different moods. Pink are coming off the Teal shootout loss; Red are — by all reports — thoroughly at peace after their Black result and are just enjoying the spring. Evan Mayer keeps scoring and keeps not winning. This has “shootout” written on it. Paps flips the coin and picks Red to finally get one in open play off their bench energy.
Grey have conceded seventeen. Forest Green have conceded three. Kevin Smith is going to eat. Curtis Flynn is going to watch. This is a “cover” game — is Forest Green up for the statement? Paps says yes. A clean sheet, four goals, and the top seat stays warm.
Bottom
Line
Four weeks down. Eleven to go. Forest Green are still perfect and getting harder to catch. Purple are back. Navy got humbled. Kelly Green got a result and a footnote. Black went to extra innings again. Teal got their first point. Yellow got their first goal. The league is separating, and the separation is going to get uglier before it gets prettier.
The Spring League doesn’t care about reputations. It barely cares about the table. It cares about what you do on Monday night, in the sixty minutes in front of you, with the bodies on the pitch and the beer waiting after.
See you at the pitch.
— J